Friday, August 15, 2008

The Beauty Is In The Person, Not The Unitard...

The Joyous One has been buggin me for quite some time to write a boog about her hatred for a certain word in the English language. To which I kept saying "write your own damn boog about it". To which she kept saying "no". And I kept putting it off, hoping she would forget about it. However, The Joyous One has the mind of an elephant, so no chance she'll forget. Since I'm still riding the high of the Nastia/Shawn Smackdown last night, I'm in a pleasant mood, and have decided to write a boog about this word that The Joyous One hates.

Unitard...she hates it...more than she hates anything. Including this bitchy security guard who yelled at us for being on a "forbidden floor" at the Cubs Convention 3 years ago. It's so bad, that now when I hear the word "unitard", I look around nervously, on pins and needles, hoping The Joyous One didn't hear it, but knowing that when that word is uttered she's like a dog and a high-pitched whistle...she can hear it from miles away. I wait for her to come crashing into the room, enraged, foaming at the mouth screaming "I HATE THAT WORD!!". It's so bad that anytime anyone casually mentions the word "hate", she goes "You know what I hate? The word 'unitard'. I hate it more than I hate that security guard from the Cubs Convention"(That's how she gauges all things she hates) . It's so bad, that anytime anyone says the word "word", she goes "You know what word I hate...", you get the picture.

But last night, I got to thinkin(because of gymnastics and The Joyous One mentioned her unitard hatred for the 12,444th time this year)...what the hell is the difference between a leotard and a unitard? Does The Joyous One hate "leotard" as well? What part of "unitard" does she hate, the "uni" or the "tard"? If it's the "tard", then she should also hate "leotard". If it's the "uni", she should also hate "unicycle" and "unibrow"(which I do hate, mostly because I picture one at the mere mention of the word...ew). Is the "leotard" the pretty older sister of the "unitard", or are they the same thing and "leotard" is just a word made up by pretty people who thought uttering "unitard" made them ugly? So many questions...

I decided I needed answers. The "unitard" is indeed different from a "leotard". A uni goes all the way down to the ankle, according to the pictures on http://www.leotards.ca/ (they have the best selection of leotards, unitards, leggings and tights...check it out if you want a laugh) and the leotard stops at the crotch...can I say 'crotch' on tv? I'm sure most of you knew that already, so sorry for being a dumba**...that's Merta for ya! As for The Joyous One, I don't know if she hates "leotard" and "unitard" equally, and I'm not sure what part of "unitard" she hates...those are questions that may never be answered...mostly because I will forget to ask her due to my raging A.D.D. All I do know is that while unitards and leotards may be different, they are both equally hideous looking.

3 comments:

  1. I have to raise an objection to that last statement, and Meta, this means you still haven't seen the movie "Stick It", which is the cinematic defense and redemption of the leotard (but not the unitard, that one is still on it's own. I'm thinking Idi Amin has a better chance for redemption than the unitard).

    I hope Joy's not reading this.

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  2. You're right, Jessica, I have not seen "Stick It" yet, but fully plan to. Not sure if I'll feel differently about the leotard, though. My friend Beth had a good point yesterday while we were discussing them. They creep her out because of how pointy they make one's crotch look, and upon seeing a pointy-crotch leotarded person, I have to agree with Beth...creepy...

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  3. I hate the word unitard. It is the most ugliest, scariest, most hideous, and inappropriate word in the English language. Whoever invented this world should be punished. Thanks for getting my point across, you hit the nail on the head!

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