Groce-ual Preference...

Yesterday while at the Jewel, I decided to lie about my Preferred Card status. Not only did I lie about my Preferred Card status, I went so far as to act out a scenario when presented with the "Do you have a Preferred Card?" question. As the cashier asked me, I pulled my carabiner off my belt loop(reason #75 why I know I'm a lesbian), and pretended like my Preferred Card had fallen off my key ring. I even said "Oh no! I think it fell off my key ring! Would you take my gym membership?" then I laughed, then she laughed, and then she told me that they do take the Dominick's card, to which I responded "Well I don't have one of those, how about a Piggly Wiggly card?" to which both of us laughed again. Then she waved her magic wand of preferred savings and before I knew it I was reaping discounts left and right.


I was curious about why I felt the need to make up a scene this time through the line at Jewel when every other time, I've openly admitted to not having a Preferred Card. Plus, the whole time I was waiting in line, I was inventing what I was going to do, so it wasn't like it was a game- time decision either, it was totally premeditated. What was it that prompted me to make up such a weird lie and then act it out? I think the Preferred Card pressure just finally got to me, and I cracked. That's right, the Preferred Card pressure...it got to me. Preferred Card pressure is what happens to me every time I go to Jewel sans Preferred Card. No one has ever made me feel guilty about this, or denied me savings, but somehow I feel less than Preferred since I don't have a PC to prove that the folks at Jewel prefer me. And this, my friends, is my big honking problem with Jewel...if you're going to give everyone the preferred savings, why the eff are you wasting time marking things as "Preferred Card" specials? Just mark that sh*t down and offer it to EVERYONE.


I guess I don't understand why stores like Jewel have things like the Preferred Card..."Here, fill out this form, waste some time and some paper, we'll waste some plastic and send you 1 credit card-type card for your wallet, and 87 thing-a-ma-bobs for your key chain, and if you lose them or forget them, don't worry because we will just give you the savings anyway, without any proof that you are in fact a Preferred Customer." At least at Dominick's you have to give them your phone number. I'm such an idiot, I always blank on my parents phone number and use The Joyous One's parents number, which is odd because I never remember that phone number any other time in my life, only at Dominick's when I'm proving that I have Fresh Values privileges. The other weird part about that is The Joyous One has a Fresh Values card registered to our house...where I live...and yet still I use her parent's phone number every time I'm at Dominick's...go figure. I also don't know her parent's address, but don't tell The Joyous One, we've been together for almost 10 years, these numbers are numbers I should know. And not just when I'm at Dominick's.

AnyA.D.D, Preferred Cards and Fresh Values cards are the reasons you will usually find me at Whole Foods, where they don't distinguish between preferred and non-preferred because everyone is treated equally, and being treated equally is important to this little lesbian. Anytime I feel low about not having the same rights as the straights in this country, I'll just head to the nearest Whole Foods and roam the aisles looking at all of the specials being offered to every single customer that enters the door. I'll feel no Preferred Card pressure as I grab up discounts and head to the cash register, equal in the eyes of the Whole Foods Gods. But of course, if I'm craving processed foods, or red dye 40, then I'll have to suck it up, go to the Jewel, break out into a cold sweat as I shuffle toward the register without my Preferred Card, and decide which story I'll tell this time.