In an earlier boog that I wrote today, I made a reference to making strangers uncomfortable, so I thought I should elaborate for those of you who might have said, to no one in particular, "Huh, I wonder what Meta meant when she said she's been making strangers uncomfortable? I sure hope she boogs about it!"...well, those of you talking to no one in particular, today is your lucky day! And for those of you who already know the 2 recent incidents in which I made strangers uncomfortable, it's not your lucky day. Or maybe it is if you've found yourself craving a re-telling of those 2 stories, or also if you've been hit on the head recently and find that you've forgotten the stories. Lucky day, my friends...lucky day. Oh, and sorry that I use the "..." so much...it's like my favorite way to express myself...ever...most favorite...of all time.
Last week, after weeks of procrastinating, I finally called the plumber to come fix our toilet. It wasn't a major problem, a small leak at the base of le toilet would occur occasionally when we el flusher'ood. Gosh, how gross would we be if our toilet was overflowing all over the bathroom every single time we flushed? Sick. Anypuddle, I called the plumber who made a date to come and reset le toilet. We have had this plumber 3 times now(does that mean we officially "know a guy"?). He's very nice, young, and kind of cute if you like men...which I don't...not in that way...but you knew that...at least you should know that...I practically wear it on my sleeve...in the form of a rainbow flag. Anylezzie, nice, young, kind of cute plumber guy was doing his thing, I was doing mine(Golden Girls) so we had limited interaction. He finished up, came in and said "Okay, the toilet's reset, you guys should be good for awhile." to which I said "I'll try to sit lightly", to which nice, young, kind of cute plumber guy said "Oooookay..." and handed me the bill.
Fast forward to yesterday evening. I was paying a visit to the meat department at my favorite organic grocery store, Whole Foods Market. I was getting veal scaloppine for a dinner than I'm co-hosting on Saturday night(please don't PETA me for the veal. The Joyous One loves veal, and I love The Joyous One, so I thought I'd do right by her and add veal to the menu. Plus, she paid for the veal...holla!). Anyringworm, I was window shopping the meat when a very nice young butcheress asked me if I needed any help, so I gave her my order and we shared pleasantries while she weighed and wrapped my veal. She told me a story about a guy who comes in every week and spends $300 on meat for his dog, london broil, filet Mignon, sirloin, I mean expensive meat. My reaction to this? Was to say "That dog better crap money". This left my butcheress slightly speechless, she laughed a little(definetely a chuckle of the 'awkward' variety), handed me my meat and said "Alright, thanks!".
Let this be a lesson, kids: Don't talk to strangers...especially if you're going to say cracked-out nonsense like Auntie Merta does...now...go get me my scotch...
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