Coming to a Starbucks near you...

So yesterday afternoon, The Joyous One and I went to our 4th movie in a week in our attempt at squeezing in several flicks before the 2008 Academy Awards. It was unprecedented people, The Joyous One and I haven't been to the movie theater together in, oh...our entire relationship. That can't be true, we must have gone to the movie theater together once in our almost 10 years of togetherness, but I cannot for the life of me think what it was that we saw...oh wait, we went to see "Sex And The City" together last year, but we saw it at Hollywood Blvd so there was food and booze and it wasn't your typical movie theater setting, plus it was kind of a "no-brainer" if you watched the show, which we did. You see, the reason we don't see movies in theaters isn't because we don't like movies, oh no. It's because my dear, sweet Joyous One can barely make it through a friggin TV commercial without asking questions, and it's nearly impossible for her to make it through a 2 hour movie. You know her type, asking who this guy is, why that guy said that, what is that girl doing, what's going to happen after this thing happens, is that guy that girl's brother...and on and on and on. I'm to the point now where I just look at her blankly and say "First time for me too, Joyous One." This tactic doesn't usually work, and I have to resort to the more forceful "Why don't you try being quiet for 5 minutes and see if you can figure it out" or the always rude "Please shut up". I know that's mean, but I'm not perfect people, I can't help my "shut up" ways just like she can't help her "Who, what, when, where, why" ways. But that's my point, this is why we don't go to the movies...or to plays...or to musicals...or to interpretive dance performances...or to Oprah.

Anyloudmouth, The Joyous One and I were gearing up for movie # 4, "Doubt", out at a lovely theater in Glen Ellyn where we had seen movie # 2(The Reader) and movie # 3(Milk) two days before. We got there at 1:30pm for a 2:00pm show but the theater was closed until 1:45pm. We decided to scoot over to the Starbucks to grab some Signature Hot Chocolate and take a load off before the flick. The *Bucks was crowded, so we grabbed 2 seats at the counter facing out onto the street. This was fine with me as I like to stare at people...which I realize is almost as rude as telling people to shut up...but like I said, I'm not perfect...I'm a people-staring-shutter-upper...what a combo! Anynomanners, as we sat w/ our chocolate, The Joyous One told me to non-chalantly look to my 4 o'clock(PS...this is the worst way to get me to look at something as it takes me SO long to figure out clocks. It's why I don't wear a watch...and why I didn't go to college). I sat there for awhile trying to figure out where my 4 o'clock was and The Joyous One finally told me "behind you and to the right and please look soon". She should have just said that in the first place and we could've avoided her frustration and also avoided me attempting to draw the face of a clock on the counter with my finger. So I casually turn, slowly, to my right, pretending to look at the various posters and *Bucks decor. As I get to what I assume is 4 o'clock, I'm confronted with the glaring buttcrack of a blonde-haired woman who was being in-the-faced by a large bald man who clearly was her boyfriend, and clearly a Newport smoker coming off a rough night because he sounded like Froggy from Our Gang(PS...he was the second person in a week who I heard talking like Froggy. Time to reconsider the smokes, I think). I turn back to face the window so I can make wide-eyed funny faces about their very loud, very public argument w/o them seeing me make fun, because although I like making fun, I'm a scaredy cat who doesn't like confrontation...I won't even honk at people. Anyawkward, The Joyous One must have thought that my turning away from the PFC(Publicly Fighting Couple) rendered me unable to hear them and started giving me the play-by-play..."Ooh, they are really fighting...he's yelling at her about something...oh, now he's yelling at her about sex...he said she had sex with one guy, then another guy, then with him and he doesn't want to be with her anymore...he's seems mad...she's trying to talk to him...he's yelling again...oh, they're leaving". I looked over and yes, Cue-Ball and Sally Buttcrack were indeed leaving, much to the relief of every *Bucks patron within earshot...which was pretty much everyone in *Bucks. They exited, started walking and...stopped right in front of the window I was staring out of. There was more yelling, Cue-Ball was all in Sally Buttcrack's face, she was crying and yelling, she tried walking away, he wasn't having it, he lit up a smoke, they kept yelling, then all of the sudden...they were hugging and kissing all pressed up against the glass...right in front of where I was sitting. There was a couple behind me and the girl said "Aw, they're making up"...this, of course, caused me to burst out laughing, which was nearly impossible to hide from the turbulent lovebirds because they were pretty much face to face with me...or should I say tongue to face...ew. I attempted to pretend like The Joyous One said something funny, and turned away from the window. They finally walked away, The Joyous One and I finished up our hot chocolate and headed out. And while "Doubt" was an excellent movie, the first half of our double feature provided us w/ just as much drama, mystery, and intrigue as "Doubt" did...plus a little something extra...buttcrack...

**Author's Note: I would like to mention that The Joyous One was 100 kinds of awesome in each of the 4 movies we saw leading up to the Oscars. Not one question during "Slumdog Millionaire", only 1 or 2 during "The Reader", just a comment or 2 during "Milk", and the only question during "Doubt" was "Do you want more popcorn?". This just might mean that our non-movie going days are behind us, and we can join the rest of the world in celebrating movies within months of their release instead of years.