Wednesday, September 17, 2008

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet...

I often wonder why disgusting things were given disgusting names. It makes having those disgusting things all the more disgusting, and when you're battling a bout of diarrhea, you really don't need to feel any more disgusting, but you do because when someone asks you "what's wrong, why aren't you coming to the bar?" you have to utter the word "diarrhea" which makes you feel...disgusting. I mean, if diarrhea were called "flower water", would we feel as gross telling people we had it? I think not..."Sorry, old chum, I won't be able to join you at the pub for a pint this fine evening. I'm battling some flower water. Cheerio!"(for some reason, I feel like that sentence would be uttered w/ a British accent. Not sure why) And I know that people have tried to come up with funny/less disgusting words for diarrhea, Green Apple Two Step, the Trots(always enters my mind when I'm riding a horse and it begins to trot, which is not that often but still), Hershey Squirts, Bud Mud...but none of them are pretty phrases. The best of the bunch is Green Apple Two Step, but I'm not sure I know what that even means. I bet it has something to do with what happens if you eat too many green apples. But then, at least in my case, you could also call it "Green Salad Two Step"...or "Leafy Green Lambada"...okay, I've said too much.

Anypickle, there are so many things that, if called by a different name, wouldn't make us feel so oogy. Like if "warts" and "boils" were called "mulberries" and "drum rolls", " toe fungus" was called "lace undergarments", "scabies" was called "caramel", "cellulite" was called "leiderhosen", "bacterial vaginosis" was called "lavender mist"...okay, I've said too much again...I apologize.

I, my friends, am going to start to calling these things by their prettier names. And if you've read this boog, you'll know what I'm talking about. Oh, and a bit of advice, if you hear me utter the phrase "flower water", get out of my way...

What are some disgusting words you wish had a different name? Feel free to weigh in...

2 comments:

  1. well-done, M. I think "ascension" should be the new term for vomit.

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  2. Meta, here are a couple of disgusting words. Butt paste (Is this supposed to be toothpaste for the left or right cheek? Or worse, for what is in the middle!!) Also, smoked butt. Yes, waiter, I will have the smoked butt. Please make sure you wipe before serving. WTF!!!!!

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