Every now and again, I take what I learned in journal writing(basically, you know, how to write in a journal) and I chronicle important events in my life. Here's an excerpt taken from my journal that I wrote the last couple of weeks. Enjoy!
Journal Entry #1:
I've been noticing a little tickle in my throat today. It's not too bad, probably nothing to worry about. Maybe I should double up on my Vitamin C intake...which basically means I should actually intake some Vitamin C. That will surely nip it in the bud.
Journal Entry #2:
It's 2 days before Amber's wedding, the tickle is nowhere to be found. I nailed that throat ticklin little effer...sayanora, sweetheart! PS...my rack looks great in the bridesmaid's dress.
Journal Entry #3:
Amber's big day...felt a little tickle this morning, maybe I celebrated prematurely. I'm gonna drink lots of fluids(and eat a Choco Taco) before the wedding. Due to the slightness of the throat tickle, I'm really not that worried. I'll be sure to suck on some Ricola's, it's probably just dry because of all the talking I've been doing...and the screaming and celebrating and drinking I did when the Cubs clinched last night, but seriously...not that worried.
Journal Entry #4:
Okay, so the tickle brought his stupid, ugly, big-brother Hacker yesterday...and right in the middle of Amber's wedding! So embarrassed, right when we were having a moment of silence for the loved ones we've lost, and then again during the vows! I could just kill that jackass Hacker! I'm hoping no one but me noticed, but I bet you can hear it on the video. Of course, once the ceremony was over, Hacker was nowhere to be found(probably gorged himself on the delicious buffet, abused the open bar and went home, asshole), and the tickle made itself scarce as well. Oh well, everyone seemed to have fun, and no one said anything about me ruining the wedding, with my coughing, so I guess I'm in the clear. Haven't heard from the tickle or Hacker in hours, but I'm taking some cold precautions, just in case...Emergen-C, Airborne, Ricola, I'm well equipped...
Journal Entry #5:
I spoke too soon. The tickle came for an extended visit last night, along with Hacker, and they were here this morning when I woke up. They actually woke me up. I'm starting to get nervous. They might be stronger than I thought. More of the same today with the cold precautions, but I'm losing my confidence in them.
Journal Entry #7:
It has been days since my last journal entry. I have been unable to write due to the throat shredding coughs that have been racking my body and clouding my vision. They come quickly, right on top of one another, like waves in a typhoon. The coughs have been unproductive, no mucus to speak of, they just rip at my throat and make my eyes water. My chest has weakened, it strains with every choking cough, the muscles are pulling and causing my shoulders to cave in. I look years older than I did just days ago. Sleep has been sparse, I'm up every hour for 10 rounds with Hacker. By the time my eyes begin to close, he pummels me again. I've resorted to sleeping with a medicated Halls tucked into my cheek, and Robitussin next to the bed. I have slathered every inch of my chest, throat and nose with Vick's Vapo Rub, staining my pajamas and sheets. I have been consuming gallons of water a day, still I'm dehydrated, still my throat is dry, and still the coughs are producing nothing but misery. Do not take the tickle and Hacker lightly, they mean business.
Journal Entry #8:
This may be the last journal entry I write in this lifetime. I'm not sure if I'll ever see any of you again, and if I don't, well...we've had a good run. The devil has invaded my chest cavity with his demon spawn. With each cough, he punches at my sternum, hoping to break free and unleash hell on earth. I'm not sure how much longer my ribs and collarbone can withstand the pressure of the internal earthquake he is producing. I've tried to fight it, but the muscles in my entire body have now weakened, my spine is beginning to curl into itself due to my inability to stand straight, and energy is something I no longer possess. My head sits at an awkward angle, as I am too weak to hold it up. I can't remember the last time I uttered words aloud, or walked in a straight line. Sleep deprivation has caused hallucinations, bloodshot eyes, and blinding headaches. The previously unproductive coughs have now begun to produce a mucus the color of Ecto-cooler, but not nearly as sweet. I worry that I will no longer be able to control bodily function when my body gets taken over by a bone-rattling cough, and I will be found face first on the bathroom floor in my own filth. I cannot keep living like this. I fear that exorcism might be the only way to rid my body of this demon, as modern medicine is clearly no match for the ancient evil that invades my chest and threatens to destroy me. If my time has indeed come, then I hope that my journal entries will save some other poor soul from suffering a similar fate. As I write this line, I can feel the demon gathering strength for another attempt at freedom. He's laughing...I'm not sure I can hold him down this time...I'm too weak. He has made his way to my throat...the gurgling has started to creep from my lips...he is unleashing a cough from the bowels of my soul that might have the power to destroy a small village...good bye, my friends...I will miss you...think of me as I was in my youth, and not as this battered, beaten, bronchial mess I've become...
Journal Entry #9:
I write to you from beyond the grave. Well, not really, I'm writing from Milwaukee, and feeling much better. Turns out, it was nothing a little Jim Beam and NyQuil couldn't fix...cures what ails ya!
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