Friday, September 5, 2008

I'd take that out of there if I was you...

So I have this plastic polar bear on my desk that sh*ts jelly beans when you press his butt...or he sh*ts M&M's if that's what you choose to reload him with once you've eaten all the jelly beans...which I have. He came to me courtesy of my friend Gail, who knows that I'm an immature fool who gets a kick out of poop and things that poop and farts and things that fart etc. No one can tell me I don't play to the highest level of intelligence when it comes to laughter! Anynipple, I was playing with my polar bear(we'll call him Whitey) the other day while on hold with a computer, oddly enough, trying to fix my computer. Initially, I was seeing how fast I could make him poop M&M's, and of course I would giggle every time a blue one came out, cuz who poops blue? Ooh, maybe polar bears do and that's why their swimming water at the zoo is so blue...eh, whatever. So the rapid-fire poop kept me entertained for a wee while. Then I was seeing what other objects Whitey would deuce...paper clips, a penny, a wrapped Ricola...slightly boring because Whitey is kind of stubborn and wouldn't poop them as easily. Maybe they were rough on his bowels, but I doubt it, he's plastic. After that I was just kind of fiddling around, not paying attention to what I was doing, I looked down and there was my index finger...right up Whitey's butt. This caused hilarious laughter by me, because really, what's funnier than having your finger in a polar bear's butt, right? I can tell you what's not funnier...your finger in an actual living breathing polar bear's butt. You would not get away without a few scratches. In fact, if you walked up to Joe Polar Bear and shoved your digit up there, you can bet your finger-in-his-a** that he would eat you and your butt-probing self for dinner. A little advice: if your going to stick your finger in a bear's butt, make sure he's plastic...or Whitey...cuz Whitey likes it.

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