Snug it ain't so...

After weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks(technically I should just say 'months') of wanting to write a boog making fun of the Snuggie, I find that I'm just unable to do so. The first 500 times I saw this commercial, I guffawed loudly at it, said things like "Oh sure, like taking your arm out of the blanket to change the channel is such a chore" and "Whatever lady, you're not gonna freeze to death by removing your hand from the warmth to answer the phone." and "Give me a break, blankets are just as good as this stupid Snuggie thing. You don't need special blanket arms to read a book. Just throw a sweatshirt on if you get cold." Well my friends, I am eating my words, let me tell you.

Last night, while comfortably ensconced under a blanket on the Lay-Z-Boy(The Joyous One was out boozin, that's why I got the Lay-Z-Boy. It's not a permanent thing), I was faced with many situations in which I really was wishing I had a Snuggie. First, there was Ike. Yes, my digital crab Ike is still alive, he's 53 and a huge pain in the ass. Why haven't I just let him die? Well, I've come to have fairly strong feelings for this piece of plastic w/ a digital crab dancing on it and I would feel so bad if I just stopped caring for him. Plus, I have an irrational fear of PETA. Although they are some crazy effers, so maybe my fear isn't all that irrational. Basically, I'm in it for the long haul w/ Ike, so until his battery dies, I'm bound to him like Polident to granny's teeth. Anysnuggie, Ike requires a fair amount of attention, pressing a button to clean his poop, pressing a button to play with him, pressing a button to train him, and all the button pressing requires fingers. And I don't know about you all, but my fingers are attached to hands(lovely hands, if I may say so) which are then attached to arms, and last night, those arms were toasty under a blanket and totally pissed when they had to be removed from their toastyness to care for Ike. You know what would have come in handy? A Snuggie, that's what.

Remember when I made fun of the person who acted like removing their arm from a blanket to change the channel was the worst thing ever? Well guess what...it is. Especially when all of your favorite shows are reruns, which you still want to watch, but the rerunnyness of them is allowing you to do major flipping, which is great because there are "Friends" reruns on, and "Celebrity Rehab: Sober House"...PS, is it just me, or is Steven Adler nearly as hot-messy as Jeff Conaway? Anydruggie, there were plenty of quality television shows on, and I was cuddled up like a wombat in it's mother's pouch, and having to remove my arm to flip channels was in fact, the worst thing ever(please don't respond to me with actual things that are worse, like yellow fever, or homelessness, or even more serious, an allergy to bacon). You know what would have been really tits in that tituation? I think you know...

And you know what else? All of my anger and annoyance at having to remove my arms to flip channels and care for Ike caused me to remove them only when I absolutely had to, and I didn't take full advantage of the arm removal. I failed to take sips of water, or eat, or apply Burt's Beeswax and the personal neglect caused intermittent dozing throughout the evening so I missed lots of tv, plus I had to keep licking my lips. When Joy got home, I must've looked like death with my cracked, dry lips, sunken hunger cheeks, a Sahara desert rasp to my voice, pale clammy skin, the sluggish lolling about of my head, hair falling out due to dehydration...okay, it wasn't that serious and I totally jumped out of my seat and ran to The Joyous One as soon she walked through the door. Don't get the wrong idea, she had tacos for me. I mean, I love her like crazy, but she had tacos...TACOS!!!!

I guess the moral of this story is...buy me a Snuggie. And don't let anything stand in the way of you and your tacos.