Please accept my apology...

I'm sorry, faithful boog readers, I just cannot get myself into a writing mood these days. Usually, my creative juices get flowing when my life is fun, and exciting, and right now, my life is blah...busy, but blah.(PS...I just read that as "busty, but blah", which also true.) And it's busy with things that I find totally boring when people talk to me about them...like Christmas shopping...and the weather. Those are two things that I loathe hearing about, yet find myself talking about constantly. As is the case right now...dammit. So in an effort to try to keep myself from boring you, I've decided against posting a stream of boogs that talk about Christmas...and the weather...hoping that if I don't bore you, you'll come back for more. But I realize that my plan has a major flaw. If I don't post anything new, people will eventually get tired of checking my boog and it'll dry up like cheese on a carpet and no one will read it ever again. This, my friends, is what we call a conundrum, which also happens to be the name of one of my favorite white wines...or maybe it's a quandary...which no wine is named after...maybe I'll say it's a conundary and I'll invent a wine...that also has vodka and Squirt in it. Gross. Okay, sorry, back to the conundary. So yeah, what is a girl to do when she doesn't want to write about the obvious things such as Christmas and the weather? As you can see, writing a nonsensical boog is the answer. A rambling, rant of a boog taken to dizzying heights of ridiculascity, filled with made up words and frequent mentions of the obvious things, such as Christmas and the weather, so she can talk about those obvious things without really talking about them. Let's see how she does.

Oh, I have something to talk about...the pedestrian crossings on Madison Street in Forest Park. I'm obsessed with them. I love nothing more than stopping for pedestrians at the legal crossings. My best days are days when there are pedestrians at each crosswalk that I can stop for. I find myself Lego-mad at peds who don't use the designated crossing area and it wouldn't surprise me to one day find myself shouting "Use the crosswalk, you ahole!" while shaking my fist at them. This brings me to an incident that happened this morning. I was driving at a slow pace down Madison, maybe I was window shopping and that's why I was going slow, I'm sure it had nothing to do with any horrible driving conditions caused by weather. Anysanta, I approached a ped Xing and noticed a mother and child waiting patiently at the crosswalk, so I pulled gently on Reggie's reigns. It took a little while, but he slowed down to a stop, and we waved the peds across the street. As they passed in front of me, I looked into my rear-view mirror and was greeted with the side view of a turquoise car, sliding merrily towards Reggie's rump. Old Turquiose eventually spun all the way around, and was facing the opposite direction on the other side of the street. The person was able to turn their car around without incident, and when I saw that all was well, I hightailed it out of there so they couldn't road-rage me. I'm not sure why this person couldn't control their car, but I'm sure it had nothing to do with any horrible driving conditions caused by weather, and their decision to drive too fast for any horrible driving conditions caused by weather. I mean, I was sitting at a dead stop for quite a spell, backwards-facing friend should have had no problem stopping in a timely fashion.

Speaking of fashion, I was at Dress Barn last night(first of all, change your name, Dress Barn, especially if half your store is for ladies of the curvy variety. How cute can a curvy lady sound if she tells people she shops at a dress barn? Where the moo-cows live? Also, Dress Barn, after you're done changing your name, call Lane Bryant and tell them to change their name as well. This curvy lady enjoys acronyms, and saying I purchased my pants at LB's is just no good.)...now where was I? Right, I was at Dress Barn last night and it was not crowded at all! Granted, I'm not sure why this surprises me, I mean, there could have been a crowd if say, horrible weather was being forecast and people needed to get major shopping done for, say, Christmas or something, but whatever. So I'm at Dress Barn noticing the non-crowd and I started wishing that if I were to be purchasing gifts for a major holiday, say, Christmas, that all of my purchases could have been made at Dress Barn(this became an even bigger wish when Emily and I went to Target, which was described so eloquently by Emily as a "clusterf*ck"). And I would have purchased everything if I were shopping for a major holiday from the Barn, except that I don't know how much my dad or Mike would enjoy a blouse from Dress Barn if they were to receive a blouse on a major holiday, like, Christmas, or something. Now that I think of it, I bet my dad wouldn't mind a dress, or a skirt...he likes clothes that "breathe".

Speaking of breathing, inhaling through your nose can really hurt if you do it in cold weather...and I'm not saying that it's brutally cold right now, I'm just saying that you need to know your environment, you need to be careful when you inhale sharply, especially if it's cold out. Sure, being careful when you inhale sharply through your nose is always a good idea, as you never know when a bee or a pigeon could be perched under your nose and that could really do some damage if you were to inhale sharply, but you really should be careful if it's cold...and I'm not saying it is...cold...right now...and snowy...I'm not saying that. Also, if you have a minty gum in your mouth and it's effing freezing...again, I'm not saying that it is, I'm just saying that in the event that you happen to be enveloped by some coldness, you should be careful when you're chewing a minty gum if you decide to inhale through your mouth. Maybe arctic temperatures are a time for bubble gum...or fruity gum(oh, stop!)...or a plain gum...is there a plain gum? And I'm in no way implying that arctic temperatures are present in the Chicagoland area right now along w/ a foot of snow less than a week before Christmas, I'm not implying that at all, I'm just saying. I mean, summer is also a good time for bubble gum, and fruity gum...and chewing tobacco. Sure, I prefer gum, but chewing tobacco is fine if you're into that kind of thing, which I'm not, but some people are and I'm not saying it's wrong. I guess what I really think I'm saying is...that...I like gum.

Happy Holidays, everyone!