Today marks the start of the 3 game weekend series at Wrigley, Cubs v. Cards. To commemorate this occassion, I've decided to repost a classic boog from my myspace page that I wrote back in April. It's about about a hot dog. If you've read it before, I hope you enjoy it again. If you're reading it for the first time, hopefully you can learn something from it.
Is that a hot dog in yer pocky, or are you just happy to see me?
So last Saturday, I went to my first Cubs game of the season. I was geeked y'all, geeked for peanuts, geeked for beer, geeked for long bathroom lines, and most of all, geeked for the grilled hot dogs with the grilled onions(I like to call them 'grillies'), and they are my friggin favorite single food item of all time.
I didn't get the grilly right away, because I feel like if I get one prematurely, it ruins the entire weiner experience. So I sat in my seat and bided my time. Around the fith inning, I felt a slight rumble in my food catcher...it was time. The Joyous One and I made a run for the grilly stand as soon as the Cubs finished up on offense. There was a line, naturally, but it was moving quick, unlike the Mai Tai line which was filled w/ over-groomed 20-somethings who probably think of Wrigley as some sort of dayclub to be used as their place to prelim before the ba-dunk-a-dunk nightclubs...to those idiots I say, whatever. But I digress...
We placed our order, picked up our grillies and the nachos w/ jalapanos and extra cup-o-cheese product(my boo loves her some nachos and processed cheese), and went over to douche our dogs w/ condiments...glorious condiments. I spied some Gulden's Spicy Brown while I was in the line, and knew immediately what route I was gonna take. We headed back to the seats with our haul, and this girl could not wait to chow down. I was bouncing around in my seat like a 3 year old hopped up on cotton candy, which was no good because then there was a delay in eating while The Joyous One distributed nachos, and moved beers into cupholders. Needless to say, I was cheesed off about the hold up. Finally it was time to become one with the grilly.
My first bite might have been the biggest bite of something that I've ever taken, and I didn't even bother to finish chewing before I went for another. I had to tell myself this was no way to enjoy a grilly, and I slowed it down, deciding to chew and cherish every bite. This worked for 1 more bite, then I was back to my old ways. In my haste to get as much grilly into my mouth as possible, a long piece of sticking-up onion went very deep into my right nostril, my power nostril. It was startling to say the least. Now, normally, an onion going in yer nose isn't a problem...unless the onion is covered in Gulden's Spicy Brown Mustard. I didn't realize that the devil's mustard was on that onion until my eyes started watering profusely, my nose started running, and then the real cause for panic, the nostril started closing up. I'm sure this was a defensive measure to stop the mustard from traveling north, thus protecting my brain from any mustard damage. Being that it was my power nostril, 'ol lefty wasn't prepared to take on the bulk of the nose-breathing, which left me with no choice but to open-mouth breath, my least favorite way of breathing. I frantically grabbed a napkin and tried to slyly get the mustard of death out of my nose. There was a lot in there, y'all. Finally, my napkin was coming out clear, so it was time to try and settle down. I sat there for what felt like 10 minutes but was probably only 3, open-mouth breathing, calming myself down, making sure no one saw what happened. Then....I resumed the chow down.
My nose wasn't the same for the rest of the evening, it felt like I had a cold, I would sporadically sneeze, plus I think that the mustard actually caused me to get much drunker than I normally would, but that's a tale for another time.
Moral of the story: demostrate caution when allowing things to go in your nose
No comments:
Post a Comment