If it weren't for my fingers, I wouldn't know anything. Why? Well I'll tell you why. Let's say someone approaches me on the street and says "Angelina Jolie is walking up on your left." If it weren't for my left index finger and thumb forming an "L", I would not know my left from right, and therefore would not know which direction to turn in order to greet Ms. Jolie. I would hastily turn to my right, since that's my power side, and I would miss the chance to impress Angie(I'm sure upon meeting me that is what she would ask me to call her) with a witty statement and an adorable smile. And yes, I always make the "L" when confronted w/ something being to my left or my right because you never can be too sure.
Now let's say you're at a gala, a fancy gala, although aren't all galas fancy? Maybe not like, a gala celebrating Comb Day, but maybe that would be fancy too. I think once you throw "gala" into the blender it's gotta be a fancy event. Okay, so, you're at a fancy gala...no, a regular gala because I've just established that all galas are fancy and the term "fancy gala" is redundant. You're at a regular gala and you're sitting with several dignitaries...don't ask me how you got the invitation, maybe you won it in a poker game. So, the dignitaries are not yet impressed with you because you're drinking Coors Light from the bottle and you told a blonde joke right when you sat down in an attempt to break the ice, not realizing that all of the dignitaries at your table were blonde, galas are usually pretty dark, so that could happen. And then saying that you "thought y'all were albinos or just really old" did not help your cause. In your defense, it was a good joke that had gone over well in the past when you told it. Sure, you told it to a group of douchebags, but whatever. So, you want to try your darndest to impress the offended dignitaries when the bread gets set down right in front of you. One of the dignitaries asks you politely to please pass the bread, but you want bread before you pass it. However, you've got a bread plate on both sides of you. You put your bread on the wrong plate and you can bet your a** those albino dignitaries are gonna rough you up gala-style. You start to sweat, you're throat becomes dry and you frantically search for water. Now you're faced w/ another dilemma as there is a water glass on either side of you. Rather than embarrass yourself by choosing wrong, you throw a piece of bread to the dignitary, excuse yourself and high-tail it outta there. Gala-failure. If only you knew the simple trick I learned from The Joyous One's cousin...all you have to do is make a circle with your forefinger and thumb on both hands. Put your other fingers straight up, and on your left hand you will have made a "b" for "bread" and on your right a "d" for "drink". Sure, you may look a little silly doing that in front of dignitaries, but some dignitaries have been known to find that kind of thing charming. At least the dignitaries I run around with.
Um, so I guess I just wanted to say that we should all thank our fingers because not only do they help with things like writing and eating and typing and snapping, they also help us at fancy galas...sorry, regular galas...and when needing to distinguish left and right. Yay fingers!
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