Hey y'all, in honor of Halloween knocking at our door, and also in honor of the fact that I just finished a scary book called "The People In The Attic", I thought I would dust off a myspace Halloween boog from 2006. At the bottom I've added some of my scariest movie-watching moments, so please, if you've got any good ones that you want to get off your chest, feel free to scare the crap outta me...and others.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Scary Movies...MWAH-HA-HA
So I'm an idiot because I decided to watch the "100 Scariest Movie Moments" right before bed last night. That sh*t had me skerred y'all, let me tell you. I came to the conclusion that I might be too old for scary movies. Not because they are childish, but because the fear that comes with them is no longer exhilarating like it was when I was younger, now it's just straight fear. I don't laugh anymore after a tumble through a haunted house, I cry. I don't peek through my fingers, screeching w/ girlish glee while watching a scary movie, now I cover my eyes completely throughout or just don't watch it all all. Here's the problem, I have a tendency to watch scary movies and believe that some of those things could happen. Not with all of them, but any that touch on psychotic killers and devil stuff make me think that that type of heebie jeebie crap could possibly happen to me. I could be babysitting on Halloween, minding my business, and get terrorized by a slow-walking maniac wearing a crazy William Shatner mask and who JUST WON'T DIE...that's a possibility. I could go to a summer camp and have it be stalked by a machete-wielding nut job in a hockey mask...that could happen. Me and my family(including my son who has a gift called the shining) could be winter caretakers of a large hotel and it could cause my spouse to hallucinate and imagine sex with a corpse of some sort, then turn into a crazy psycho killer and then freeze to death in a hedge maze...I'm not ruling that out. I could be the daughter of a famous actress and get possessed by the devil, crab-walk down the stairs backwards, pee on the floor in front of my mother's party guests, jam a crucifix into my lady bits, turn my head all the way around, shoot vomit out onto a priest who is performing my exorcism and then finally be cured of my demons only after the priest chucks himself out of a window, plunging to his death...I've seen things like that before. I could be Jennifer Aniston and be chased around by a psychotic, perverted leprechaun...stranger things have happened. Okay, maybe psychotic, perverted leprechauns is stretching it a little...but I could be Jennifer Aniston!
This backtrack to 2006 has made me think of some of my scariest movie moments:
"To Kill A Mockingbird" when Jem is on the Radley's back porch and that shadow is reaching at him. I was only scared because the lights were out and my father decided that would be the perfect time to jump up from behind the couch screaming. Jerk.
"Scream" the first 5 minutes of the movie=poop-inducing and the whole friggin theater was literally screaming.
"Pet Semetary" when Gage is back from the dead and he's under Herman Munster's bed and he slashes at his exposed ankles w/ a scalpel...shudder...
"It"...the entire effing movie. Even though the movie was of the "made for tv" variety, it still makes my skin crawl, creepy predatory sewer clown, children being killed, something so scary it makes a boy's hair turn white, and the mole on the side of Richard Thomas's face...all enough to terrify a 13 year old girl.
And my number one scariest movie moment ever...
"Carrie"- the shower scene where her Aunt Flo visits her for the first time and she starts screaming for help and all the mean high school girls start throwing tampons and pads at her and she crouches down crying...we had JUST learned about the female business, so it was not a good time for me to be seeing that. Plus her Jesus-freak mother scared the love right out of me. If memory serves, I spent the next 2 weeks sleeping in my mom and dad's bed. I have not watched "Carrie" in it's entirety since, something that truly bugs The Joyous One because I won the movie in a costume contest 5 years ago for my Fat Elvis, but I refuse to watch it. Maybe I'll try again this year...
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