Wherefore art thou, caterpillar?

So yesterday morning, after parking my car Reggie in his usual spot, I started walking into work, like I do every morning Monday through Friday. Something made me turn to take one last look at Reg, and as I looked at him, I noticed something on the passenger door frame that was fairly large, and seemed a little furry. I thought that it was just a hugeungous drop of bird scat, which Reg and I are both used to since he gets parked under trees a lot. I decided to investigate(yeah, I'm not sure why one would head towards something that they thought was poop, but that's me...I'm disgusting) and as I got closer, I saw that it wasn't the mark of a bird defacing Reg w/ it's defecation, it was a huge, furry caterpillar. I had forgotten all about caterpillars until I spotted that car-crawlin monster.

I decided to get closer, I noticed it's coloring, I noticed how soft it looked, I got even closer so I could find it's eyes and, in the words of the immortal Kylie Minogue, it was love at first sight. This was no monster, this was a beautifully cute caterpillar, with strangely long fur, and a mustache of sorts, with deep black eyes and movements reminiscent of the way a puddle ripples when you touch it. This was no monster, this was my new friend. After staring at it for awhile, I realized I was several minutes late for work, so I broke my stare and hustled into the building. While flip-flopping down the hall, I thought about my caterpillar, baking in the warm sun on the frame of Reggie's door. I got nervous, so I told my boss about the caterpillar and told her I was going to go get him out of the sun so he didn't die. As I approached Reg, there was no sign of the 'pillar. A wave of fear started at my butt and made it up to my stomach before I realized that the 'pillar had already traveled down the passenger door, and was near the bottom of Reggie's body. Apparently Mr. Pillar felt the need to get out of the heat as well. I grabbed a stick and kind of shoved it under the caterpillar like I used to do with my bird Marcus, to see if it would latch on so I could move it to a safer, more lush and shady area. Sure enough, the little bugger jumped right on, clinging to it with it's whole body. I walked over to a patch of bushes and gently placed my caterpillar into the center of it and headed back into work, hoping I would see it again someday.

I thought about the caterpillar for most of the day, I forwarded the picture I took of it to my friends, I wondered what it was doing, I even named it. I named it Buff, because my friend Ellen has this daughter who was a butterfly for Halloween last year, and when asked what she was being for Halloween, she would say "Buhffly" and that just cracked me up. Ellen even made her leave me the cutest voicemail ever..."Ha-ween...I'ma be a buhffly". So as I thought of this caterpillar turning into a butterfly, all I could think of was little Evelyn and her cute little voice saying "buhffly"...so Buff seemed like a good name. Beautiful Buff.

Fast forward to 5pm, quittin time, I headed out to the bushes where I'd left Buff. I saw a bird kind of hanging around, so I ran at it and screamed "Get away from my caterpillar, you bird!". Yeah, I'm real good with the insults. The bird, either scared of me or just wanting to get away from the crazy person, flew away, and I said "that's what I thought"...as the words escaped my lips I saw a woman on the other side of the parking lot staring at me, no doubt wondering who the deuce I was talking to. Anysybil, I peered into the bushes and there was Buff, looking restless as he climbed through the branches. He seemed to be looking for something, food, a place to cocoon, his family, I'm not sure, but it made me nervous. I went back inside to get some caterpillar advice from my co-workers. Not that they're caterpillar experts, they just seem to be more into nature than I am and might know about caterpillars. I asked them if they thought I should try to take Buff back to my house, and maybe put him on the tree that Reg had been parked under. I voiced my worries about Buff, that maybe he wasn't finding the right kind of food, or was looking for his family since he was in a whole new town and didn't know it. They kind of looked at me like I was weird, which is the norm, and said they thought he would be fine. I said "So, I shouldn't put him in a cup, take him to Jewel and Whole Foods with me, then take him back to my house? I should stop worrying?". They said yes, stop worrying, it's a caterpillar. I hung my head, cued up that Charlie Brown tune in my head(you know the one), and shuffled slowly out of the office.

I couldn't find Buff when I left the second time. And he couldn't be found this morning either, although I didn't have a lot of time to spend looking. I might go out in a bit to see if I can find him, but I fear that I've seen the last of Buff. That realization makes me sad, I became fairly attached to that stupid caterpillar in just a day. I thought about him the whole day, I talked about him, I worried about him, I sent proud mama pictures of him, and now that he might be gone, I'm missing him. See, that kind of reaction is why I don't want kids. If I can't handle my emotions regarding a caterpillar, how can I possibly handle the weighty responsibility of a child? No thanks...I'll stick to unnatural attachments to caterpillars, thankyouverymuch.